a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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