my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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