Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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