i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
