Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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