you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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