My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
