shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
