Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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