I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
