I can tuck mytits in my pants
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
