I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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