we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
