I hope mine doesn't look like that
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
