She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
