you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
