if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
