Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
