i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
