Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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