let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
