The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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