We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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