Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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