I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
