Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
