You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
