'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
