I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
