I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
