Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
