omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
