I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
