How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
