I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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