It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
