My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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