And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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