I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
