Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
