i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
