the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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