so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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