I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
