Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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