Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
