I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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