I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
