Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
