you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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