I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
