He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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