Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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