we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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