oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
