pop tarts are not kleenex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
