seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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