Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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