You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love having hate sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
