Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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