Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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